Be careful when diagnosing your ailments online: When I was a child, a pale specter used to call our house most evenings, eager to chat with my doctor father about her myriad medical concerns. We called her the "White Bread Lady," a moniker she earned for one particularly inane call in which she panicked to my father after consuming white bread. She wasn't breaking out in hives or having any adverse effects to the bread. No, she was just concerned that some future illness could befall her given that one particular dietary decision. Although we all laughed at the time, it was with a bit of shifty-eyed shame. Because most of us (including if not particularly the illustrious Ehrlich family) have lurking within us our very own "White Bread Lady," ready to convince us that each cough, sniffle and less-than-nutritious meal might be a detriment to our health. And, naturally, that White Bread Lady looms even larger when we can type our worries into a search bar and unlock a bevy of potentially distressing information. Yup, so quoth Google, we all have cancer.