Why did you stay?

What is complicated about it Becket? I was sick and scared and I wanted to get well. The only truth behind the statements I was told is that I might have died if I didn't stop using. I was also a very scared and vulnerable, trusting young woman. I was surrounded by people that gave me a lot of "love" and attention. They also told me I was special. As time went on I discovered that the love was fake and that they were trying to control me. This took some time to realize, which caused a lot of confusion and more fear. I was miserable as a member but scared not to be one.

Although by program standards I wasn't able to get clean, I was able to refrain from my DOC and only use other drugs periodically. Much of my confusion began to fade and I started to recognize the false caring for what it was. They only thought I was special if I conformed to all of their ways of thinking and if I listened and complied with all of their requests and rules. I also realized that my anxiety and depression worsened and was much was the result of the misery I felt from going to meetings. My personality was such that didn't appreciate being around large groups of people and many that were obnoxiously controlling and pushy.

I admit the first few years wasn't as bad as the last two in comparison. But it was enough for me to understand all of the complaints that I read later in the OP and other books/articles I've read about AA, as well as what was shared to me by other former members. The last year in I endured some awful and unfortunate situations. From a direct involvement in the program I got emotionally scarred and suffered from it a great deal. Yes, some of it was my fault and I'm capable of recognizing what I did wrong and have done my part in changing what was necessary. What angers me the most really, is that the problems that AA has have been continual and been going on for many years. Many former members have had the same experiences with similar outcomes. There have been repeated complaints and AA.org is aware of it and has nothing to say about it and refuses to make changes.

I'd be satisfied if they did make the appropriate changes and accept their ongoing existence without any complaint if this were to happen. The point is that they do not and have jad years to recognize the problems and act on them. Since this has gone ignored more people are being harmed in various ways and the pain continues for many. That to me is disgraceful and os why I stay angry and continue bitching about it and try to raise awareness.

I understand that all organizations have imperfections and some can be just plain BAD. What I don't understand is that it continues when people are being hurt. That's damning. It deserves a bad rep and a continuation of bad press. Massive, if you didn't know, tried for a long time to make changes within and met resistance by members and the organization. So much of it in fact that her disgust led her to keep investigating and finally leave realizing what a sham she had been involved in. No one can say that people haven't fought for changes. There are many groups that strive for that. Since it sticks with the ignorance and 'not our fault' defense and won't do shit, they deserve the harsh statements that they are getting.

What is complicated about it Becket? I was sick and scared and I wanted to get well. The only truth behind the statements I was told is that I might have died if I didn't stop using. I was also a very scared and vulnerable, trusting young woman. I was surrounded by people that gave me a lot of "love" and attention. They also told me I was special. As time went on I discovered that the love was fake and that they were trying to control me. This took some time to realize, which caused a lot of confusion and more fear. I was miserable as a member but scared not to be one.

Although by program standards I wasn't able to get clean, I was able to refrain from my DOC and only use other drugs periodically. Much of my confusion began to fade and I started to recognize the false caring for what it was. They only thought I was special if I conformed to all of their ways of thinking and if I listened and complied with all of their requests and rules. I also realized that my anxiety and depression worsened and was much was the result of the misery I felt from going to meetings. My personality was such that didn't appreciate being around large groups of people and many that were obnoxiously controlling and pushy.

I admit the first few years wasn't as bad as the last two in comparison. But it was enough for me to understand all of the complaints that I read later in the OP and other books/articles I've read about AA, as well as what was shared to me by other former members. The last year in I endured some awful and unfortunate situations. From a direct involvement in the program I got emotionally scarred and suffered from it a great deal. Yes, some of it was my fault and I'm capable of recognizing what I did wrong and have done my part in changing what was necessary. What angers me the most really, is that the problems that AA has have been continual and been going on for many years. Many former members have had the same experiences with similar outcomes. There have been repeated complaints and AA.org is aware of it and has nothing to say about it and refuses to make changes.

I'd be satisfied if they did make the appropriate changes and accept their ongoing existence without any complaint if this were to happen. The point is that they do not and have jad years to recognize the problems and act on them. Since this has gone ignored more people are being harmed in various ways and the pain continues for many. That to me is disgraceful and os why I stay angry and continue bitching about it and try to raise awareness.

I understand that all organizations have imperfections and some can be just plain BAD. What I don't understand is that it continues when people are being hurt. That's damning. It deserves a bad rep and a continuation of bad press. Massive, if you didn't know, tried for a long time to make changes within and met resistance by members and the organization. So much of it in fact that her disgust led her to keep investigating and finally leave realizing what a sham she had been involved in. No one can say that people haven't fought for changes. There are many groups that strive for that. Since it sticks with the ignorance and 'not our fault' defense and won't do shit, they deserve the harsh statements that they are getting.