Hi everyone

Submitted by heather44 on Wed, 07/11/2012 - 10:42

Forums:

Hello everyone. I am so glad I found this site. I found when googling about AA and it's chip system to see if others agreed with me that I think it's a very bad practice.

I went to AA about a dozen years ago because I was desperate and was told by many that it was the place to go to get sober. What happened was that I joined a group full of people (not all of them) that preyed on newcomers and really screwed with their heads. There were affairs, constant drama and gossiping going on but I tried to overlook that to help myself get it together. I also felt very uncomfortable when I first started attending about being swarmed by folks at the end of the meeting wanting to give me their phone number, getting asked for rides from people I didn't know and even asking for money. I tried several local groups too. I left after 6 months. I got better for a few years.

But these past few years my drinking got out of hand again so thought I would try a new small AA group at my church and was ok at first - until I got to know my sponsor better. Holy crap, just in a short amount of time I realized she was a gossip too, telling me all about her other sponsees' business so I'm sure she told them my business too. Yeah, that's someone I want to do a fourth step with. When I relapsed after 11 days she was horrified. I was at her home 2 days after my relapse when a gentleman from our group stopped by to drop something off. She turned to me and sternly said "aren't you going to tell him what you did?" - I said no, that's my business. She also insisted that I come to her home once a week for 12 step bible study which I tried but all she did was talk about other people and we accomplished nothing. And I am so tired of all the AA cliches that people seem so proud to repeat again and again.

I am so glad to have found this site to learn more truths about AA and am going to be very relieved when I tell my sponsor I am going to do a behavior modification program instead. She's gonna probably go ballistic and I'm sure her response will validate my reasons for leaving AA even more.

SPK77's picture

SPK77

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 12:38

I would recommend recoveringfromrecovery.com as a safe place if you are leaving and want support. This place is more of a forum to debate rather than for those seeking other means of recovery.

heather44

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 12:48

Thanks, I am currently looking into SMART Recovery but will also check out the site you recommended. I'm here to be more informed and see others opinions and experiences when it comes to AA. The information I have found here has made it easier for my husband to accept the fact that I am leaving AA and that there are other ways to recover. I have other choices.

SPK77's picture

SPK77

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 12:54

I just left a month ago after 3 years in the cult. My life is so much better and I am learning to stop beating myself up and that I am NOT powerless.

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 12:23

Hi Heather, welcome! AA has been the go-to cure for alcoholism for many years. Society automatically associates sobriety with AA and many don't realize that it is a religion, a cult, which for many is damaging. I'm glad you found the Orange Papers. How did you get there? When I left the program (AA and NA), I searched for 'uncomfortable in AA' and 'AA is not safe?'. I wish I had done it sooner!

Good luck with telling your sponsor about your change of plans. Some sponsors do go "ballistic", just recently an orange forum member that left was told by their sponsor that he would kill himself without AA. That blew my mind to hear about that, but like you it reminds me of why I left and with each new person I remember the nastiness that we left behind.

As spk said, if the trolls here get to you there are other forums where you can discuss without their interference. Not the signature below with a link. Take care Heather, I wish you the best!

Pro Empowerment!
Truth about AA: http://orange-papers.org/menu1.html
Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

First-Things-First (not verified)

Thu, 07/12/2012 - 14:57

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 13:50

There are many options to AA. Mine was a good experience but I discovered when I moved from my home group that I didn't have the same sense of camaraderie here as I had previously. I am glad that you have other programs because the problem is that SMART and SOS, as well as other... are just too small in number. But perhaps those that use them will give back by creating yet another group for people to attend.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 14:46

Hi Heather, and welcome! I think you should be prepared for your sponsor launching a personal attack along with the accusation that you don't want to stay sober. Please don't take it personally, it's just what they do, and it's all they have. It's simply a result of living a life of irrationality. Please do join us on the other site if you feel so inclined.

Troll free AA critical forum
http://www.expaa.org/

"The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it." ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 14:51

It has been my experience that when people wanted to leave, their sponsors simply wished them well on their vine of life. They don't take it personally and neither should anyone else.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

SPK77's picture

SPK77

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 14:59

that when I told my sponsor I was leaving a month ago he said that I would kill myself. So now you know one.

Calinda (not verified)

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 15:25

SPK77 (otherwise known as Steven)
Wed, 07/11/2012 - 14:59
"I can tell you from my experience Susan, that when I told my sponsor I was leaving a month ago he said that I would kill myself. So now you know one."

It has been my experince that all this drama fanfare was not happening when people I knew left. AA is a constant revolving door, this is the nature of recovery.
I am sure SMART, HAMS, SOS, ST. JUDES ect....have the same revolving door.

live_free_or_die's picture

live_free_or_die

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 04:45

a/k/a Danny B II, TRisha, perplexity, TRace Lin, and The Ranch Hand.

Known to be an AA stepper, approach with extreme caution.

Alcoholics Anonymous: MyNotGodHasItCovered®
http://www.expaa.org/
http://bereanresearch.com/
http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/
NOT AA:
Rational Recovery, SOS, HAMS
http://alcoholabusesolutions.com/

DeConstructor's picture

DeConstructor

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 17:45

I used Rational Recovery.

www.rational.org

There are some really good options now. The steppers just try to shout them all down.

Orange's picture

Orange

Wed, 07/11/2012 - 18:56

Hello Heather, and welcome. I hope you can find something helpful here.
And have a good day.
== Orange

live_free_or_die's picture

live_free_or_die

Fri, 07/13/2012 - 04:54

Kick the tires, check under the hood, and see if you are interested in something different.

Alcoholics Anonymous: MyNotGodHasItCovered®
http://www.expaa.org/
http://bereanresearch.com/
http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/
NOT AA:
Rational Recovery, SOS, HAMS
http://alcoholabusesolutions.com/

NoAAUK's picture

NoAAUK

Sat, 09/01/2012 - 03:37

Welcome Heather

......and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Matthew 24:11