I remember, after many meetings, AA members would come up to me and say, "wow! That was really honest." It wasn't long before I learned that, in order to fit into the flock, I must make confessions before the group and publicly flog myself.
I always felt alone in that AA crowd. I guess I could say that I never made a single real friend within the AA circles... just people like my sponsor, whom I learned to depend on.
And honesty... what is it really? Is honesty regurgitating AA's bullshit slogans over and over again? Or is honesty the propensity to allow others to re-write your history for you? I guess I played a part in this one, after all, it was me who allowed them to make me believe I was something I was not. I should have known better. I should have known that I am not a liar, cheat, and thief, but still I said that I was all of these, just to fit in.
So in being "honest," I was actually very dishonest, both to myself and the people around me. We were all doing it I guess. AA is like a moshpit of mental self-mutilation.